Thursday, December 22, 2011

Merry Christmas from the Yanceys 2011

Merry Christmas everyone! I am back to writing our family Christmas letter on Jeff’s blog and am so happy to let you all know what we are doing. For my close family and friends, I carefully stenciled our annual newsletter in gold leaf on the special paper they print money on. It was so humbling to send such a special gift to those I love the most.

We bought a new house again this year. We moved to Heber City, Utah where I have always wanted to live. I love that I can put on my designer jeans and head into the big city for my shopping. We decorated the house with a country theme with items I purchased at yard sales all through the summer. I am against animal cruelty so I made sure that all of the furs and antlers we bought are synthetic. Although, I still must have real leather in my new Jaguar XKR-S.

If you remember last year Jefanie wrote our Christmas letter and did such a great job. I am feeling much better now. I am back to my normal stuff: my non-profit No Pay Shui, training for another Iron Man, making artisan breads and of course scrapbooking. I quit my previous work since I founded a new multi-level marketing company. My new company is called Xtrafowl. I sell hotdogs made from free range chickens I raise in my back yard, feed exclusively with blueberries and dark chocolate and wash everyday in a bath made with honey, cucumber and water imported from the Alps. They are pumped with vitamins and antioxidants, slightly blue but taste like asparagus.

Jeff gave up his job writing fortune cookies and now hunts rattlesnakes. He bought a whip, fedora and spends all day in the desert having adventures. It is completely against who I am, as an animal lover, you know. So I made him sleep outside during the summer. He spent all of his time working out that I eventually had to let him back in. You should see his abs!

Jefanie turned 16 this year and went off to college. She surprised us all by going to some school in Berkeley, California. She filled her car with her books, musical instruments and stuffed animals and drove off to school. We haven’t heard from her since. Jeff keeps putting on his fedora and declares that he is going to find her and bring her home. I just keep telling him that she is just busy with school and will call us eventually. I think he is just sad since we have an empty nest.

I let Cymfanie decorate the Christmas tree since her Quidditch team won nationals. She decorated it with extension cords, empty beer cans and headless Barbie dolls. At the top she put the grim reaper with David Hasselhoff’s face. I made her take it down and replaced it with the tree I made for the Festival of Trees. She is 13 and seems to be going through some kind of a phase.

Our cute little boy just turned 7. He is my pride and joy now that Jefanie is gone. He reminds me not to be so introverted and narcissistic all the time. I was like that for my mother. I would talk about all of the things I am doing and she would thank me for reminding her how important it is to be humble.

When we moved to Heber we left behind all of our cats. When we moved we had 219 Ringos because they wouldn’t stop multiplying. They now have control of Lehi from Main Street to Utah Lake and the cat population of Utah County is 99% feral. I miss my cats so much. I really think that the cats were the only ones who could truly understand me. Now we have the chickens with super anti-oxidative properties so I have plenty of companionship.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to All!

Love,

Jeff, Stephanie, Jefanie, Cymphanie and the vita-chickens.